So you’re all ready to go on your well-deserved trip to Italy, where you intend to bask in beauty, art and history. But what you’re really looking forward to is indulging in all that great food. Because with every memorable Italian meal at home, you’ve heard stories of variations and details that you just can’t find outside the motherland.
Before you land, though, bear in mind a few simple dos and don’ts.
Let’s start with the do’s:
Open up to Italian hospitality
If someone invites you to their home for a meal, by all means, go. It’s a hospitable culture. Especially in the south, where the guest is sacred. If Italians like you – if you strike them as simpatico – they’ll be curious to get to know you and will let you into their lives. Don’t miss out on the chance to share a home-cooked meal with all the conviviality and banter the goes with it. Even if you don’t understand the language, Italians will go out of their way to make themselves understood and make you feel good.
Engage in conversation and shine
If you’re invited to a meal, bring plenty of fodder for dinner conversation. If you’re not a natural raconteur, then bring a story or a few anecdotes, even a joke or two. The meal isn’t just about fuel. It’s a chance to tell stories, share opinions, even engage in a some healthy verbal sparring. Whatever you do, don’t sulk or brood.
Eat late
Relax. Don’t be in a rush to stuff your face with dinner before you get to bed so you can sleep enough for tomorrow’s busy day of sightseeing. Italians eat late. Dinner starts between 8 and 9 PM in the north; and the farther south you go, the later it starts. In the summer, below Rome, you might not start dinner until after 10 PM. Enjoy the balmy evening.
Kick back and linger
Lingering around a table after eating, or in a piazza with drink is an art form in Italy. Try it. That’s what piazzas are made for: gathering, chatting, watching other people. This isn’t the U.S. where waiters will often give you the check before you even ask for it so they can shunt you out of the place and turn the table over. Often you have to hunt the waiter down Italy after you’ve had your dessert, digestivo and espresso to get the bill.
And a note on tipping
Italians don’t tip as much as Americans (few people do). Often the price of service is included in the bill (which may explain certain negligent waiters’ attitudes). Sometimes it’s called a coperto (a charge for the tableware). It is, however, appreciated if you leave a few euros on the table – or more if it’s a high-end restaurant. In general 10% is good tip and should make any waiter happy. After all, you’re American. You’re used to tipping – even for subpar service. Don’t use the fact that you’re in Europe as an excuse to suddenly become a cheapskate.
Now for the don’ts. And remember, they’re not hard-and-fast rules. Italians are flexible and laid back when it comes to others’ foibles and faults.
Don’t expect butter with the bread
Bread comes out to the table as is. No frills. No butter. No oil (unless there’s a bottle of oil with the salt and pepper shakers). No creamy chickpea thing some wannabe celebrity chef came up with. You want butter? You ask for it. And make sure your waist line isn’t screaming for a diet, otherwise you might get an “ironic” smile from the waiter.
Don’t put any kind of cheese on pasta with seafood
This is a major faux pas. If you put parmesan cheese on spaghetti with clams people will cringe. I made this mistake when I first arrived in Italy and was soundly chastised. Since then I’ve discovered numerous regional recipes that break the no-cheese-with-seafood rule. But those recipes are the exceptions. The rule is the rule.
Cappuccino is breakfast
Milk is for the morning. Don’t order a cappuccino in the afternoon. Foreigners do it all the time, and they stand out as foreigners – like the ones wearing T-shirts and shorts in February. For the Italians, just the thought of hot frothy milk after a full meal will get their livers twinging with all sorts of digestive issues. Pesante, they say. (It’s heavy.) One exception is having a nice hot cappuccino on a very cold and damp afternoon to warm the bones. But again, it’s an exception.
Don’t ask for a doggie bag
Doggie bags are practically unheard of in Italy. You might get some waiter who is an Extinction Rebellion supporter and very eager to cut down on waste. But the idea of reheating restaurant food the next day isn’t very appealing to most Italians. Basically, you order as much as you can eat. That’s one of the reasons why the portions are relatively small and there are so many courses: so you can gauge your appetite as the meal proceeds.
Don’t forget your table manners
Different cultures have different notions of what’s acceptable and expected at the table. Although seeing Italians gesticulate enthusiastically at a loud table may strike some of you as a free-for-all, looks can be deceiving. Italians notice table manners. Without going into an etiquette lesson, just keep in mind: no unpleasant noises or gestures (if you think it might gross someone out, then don’t do it), and no elbows sprawling across the table. For the rest, just watch and imitate. Oh yes, and mind the superstitions: don’t pass the salt directly into someone’s hand; don’t pour the wine backhanded; make eye contact when you raise a toast, and never with water. There’s a list of other superstitions, but you get the picture.
In general, despite the occasional misunderstanding, Italians (unlike some other Europeans I won’t mention) love Americans – almost as much as Americans love Italians. Both share a certain penchant for exuberance and try to make life just a bit easier with a smile. Of course, if there’s a fantastic meal in front of you, then it’s hard not to have a positive outlook. No doubt one of the reasons why Americans will keep traveling to Italy.